Why Are Men So Scared?

Due to the #MeToo movement, I’ve seen many the comment that “It is sure a scary time for men in America!” But is it really? If a man hasn’t sexually assaulted or harassed someone, they should have nothing to worry about. So do men in America just all sexually assault and harass people? From the amount of men screaming “Not all men!!”, I would like to believe they don’t. So if they don’t, what are they scared of? “Fake” accusations? Not likely to happen. Or are they scared because they truly don’t understand what is and isn’t sexual assault or harassment? I like to believe that maybe they just don’t know because of the rape culture that was instilled into.

I’ve seen rape culture instill in children first hand. I was a victim of it a few times as a child. Male children who were around my age were taught by their family and society as a whole that it’s okay for boys to harass and assault girls as they please. When I was in preschool, I had a boy in my class that every day would harass me to be his girlfriend. Seems innocent enough, right? Well it was okay at first. I told him no, I don’t want a boyfriend. But in our culture, when a girl says no to a boy that doesn’t really mean no. So, this boy harassed me. Every. Single. Day. To the point that I grew extremely uncomfortable and upset by his persistence. I couldn’t be near him without the relentless comments of becoming his girlfriend. At four, neither of us really understood what “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” meant, but I knew I didn’t want any part of it and I couldn’t get him to leave me alone about it. I remember one day, I was particularly overwhelmed by this boys persistence and cried to mother in the car. At four, I couldn’t find the words to describe what I was feeling or why it made me uncomfortable. And although this doesn’t classify as sexual harassment, you can see how this little boy’s behavior could have easily transformed into sexual harassment as he got older.

When I was in 1st grade, I had a boy one year older than me hold me down my arms down with his legs and held my head still with his hands as a boy my age climb on top of me and pin my legs down with his legs and kissed me. I had refused to kiss this boy earlier in the day and I fought him to as he forced himself on me. In this case, both boys were equally to blame. They both heard me refuse, they both felt me fighting back, and they both ignored my lack of consent and took what that one boy wanted. I never felt so powerless before that day. I was embarrassed about the situation and afraid to get in trouble for kissing a boy, so I kept this incident a secret.

These are just two of my earliest memories of being victimized by the opposite sex. And I truly believe these boys don’t believe they did anything wrong because they were taught that way. And I stayed silent because I was taught by society that it was my fault I was victim. So do men really not realize what is and isn’t sexual assault and harassment? Is that why they’re scared? Even if you truly don’t understand, that does not excuse the behavior or mean they should get off hook. Same as how speeding isn’t any less illegal just because you were unaware of the speed limit. Or are they scared because they do know what they’ve done is wrong and now woman are finally speaking up and there’s a very really possibility of getting caught? I’m not a male, so I guess I’ll never know, but I do have to say that if you think now is a scary time for men, you should try living her whole life as a woman.

I’d like to finish this by saying I know that not all men behave this way. I know many men that do not. But as a woman, you never know which man is going to be one of the bad apples and it’s scary living in a world where so many view you as an object purely in existence for their pleasure and not a human being. So if you are one of the good ones, please don’t get your panties in a bunch.