Drowning

I’m slowly drowning in a pool full of people and not a single person notices the life slowly slipping from my body. The light in my eyes fading away, the flame in my soul smothered to ashes, and the gears in my mind grinding to a halt. And no one sees me. Am I so...

Depressed Again

It's official - I'm deep in a depressive episode again. I've dirtied every piece of laundry I own and it's all scattered across every inch of my bedroom. I don't remember the last time I cleaned anything other than a quick "clean" to make it appear I'm still keeping it together. I've cried more nights...

Living With PTSD

 My heart pounds so loud that it overloads my already racing thoughts - every sound, touch, smell and sight is amplified into a confusing mess. I'm desperately looking for an exit - a way out of this hell - as this weight presses harder and harder onto my chest. My diaphragm rapidly pulls air in...

The Mean Girl

I'd be lying if I said I was never the "mean" girl. Am I proud of it? Absolutely not. There is no excuse as to why I was the mean girl, but it happened and I want to own up to my wrongdoings. And although there is no excuse and nothing will ever make being...

Back At It

After a long, long, long break from blogging, I'm finally back at it. Since about February of this year, I had been struggling with various medical problems and keeping up with a blog was just becoming too much. That didn't stop me from continuing to write though and I'm happy to announce that I have...

Medication Sensitivity

Let me give y'all a run down of my life the past month or so. Started when I thought my antidepressant stopped working because I was starting to see the beginning signs of the depression whirlwind about to sweep through my life. As those crippling symptoms of depression continued to infiltrate my life, I began...

10 Self Care Ideas For When I Don’t Want To Do Anything

The world feels like it’s spinning so fast and I’m stuck on slow motion. I’m laying in my bed, looking at the ceiling and wondering why I feel so horrible. My back starts to ache from laying on it, but moving a single muscle seems like too much energy to exert. It’s in moments like...

How Does Time Heal?

I've been told, "Time heals all," but does it really? How many years does it take to heal a completely shattered being? When every inch of your soul has been pulverize into dusty ground? Because, for me, it's been eight long years and that pain still hurts. It still creeps up through my feet, puts...

The Year of Me: April Update

So, here we are in April - four months into my "year of me" and I felt you all needed an update. I also feel updates will help me hold myself accountable for my progress. So, to begin, I have definitely fallen off the band wagon resulting in (or maybe because of?) a miserable April....

Why Reaching Out is Difficult

I was laying in bed restlessly flopping like a fish out of water. My face was red and splotchy, a steady river of tears ran over my cheeks, and my nose was so stuffed up, it was almost suffocating. I knew this deep pit of emotions I was falling deeper into was not normal. Yet,...