Drowning

I’m slowly drowning in a pool full of people and not a single person notices the life slowly slipping from my body. The light in my eyes fading away, the flame in my soul smothered to ashes, and the gears in my mind grinding to a halt. And no one sees me. Am I so...

Twenty Twenty: The Year of Writing

Last year was my "Year of Me" and it went pretty well despite the many bumps in the road I encountered. This year, I wanted to have another "theme" or New Year's Resolution or whatever you want to call it. And after thinking about it for somebody time, the one thing I truly want to...

The Year of Me: Conclusion

Well if you've read my past blog post "Twenty Nineteen: The Year of Me" or the update post, you know that my New Year's Resolution last year was about taking care of ME. Too often in my life I've put others first and myself last. I was often tired and felt under appreciated. Well 2019...

Depressed Again

It's official - I'm deep in a depressive episode again. I've dirtied every piece of laundry I own and it's all scattered across every inch of my bedroom. I don't remember the last time I cleaned anything other than a quick "clean" to make it appear I'm still keeping it together. I've cried more nights...

Social Isolation

I have social anxiety. No, I don't mean "Oh, I get a little nervous talking to new people." No, I mean the soul sucking pit in your stomach anytime you are required to interact with anyone. My palms sweat. My heart races. I get anxious I'll say the wrong thing and look like an idiot...

Living With PTSD

 My heart pounds so loud that it overloads my already racing thoughts - every sound, touch, smell and sight is amplified into a confusing mess. I'm desperately looking for an exit - a way out of this hell - as this weight presses harder and harder onto my chest. My diaphragm rapidly pulls air in...

The Mean Girl

I'd be lying if I said I was never the "mean" girl. Am I proud of it? Absolutely not. There is no excuse as to why I was the mean girl, but it happened and I want to own up to my wrongdoings. And although there is no excuse and nothing will ever make being...

My Secret Fear

I have a secret that I make sure no one knows. It's a silly secret. A secret so silly, you might laugh when I tell you what it is. It's silly, but also dreadfully anxiety-inducing for me. It's actually a secret about my greatest anxiety trigger. The trigger that without fail has consumed my life...

What I Wish You Understood About My PTSD

Post traumatic stress disorder is exhausting, frightening, and difficult to cope with at times. I know that my PTSD not only personally affects me, but also the people who are close to me. Many of the people close to me just don't understand how my PTSD affects me and it can cause friction in my...

My Miscarriage Story

These past two weeks have been anxiety-inducing, exciting, and heart wrenching. It all began when the tell-tale signs of pregnancy started creeping in. Nausea. Headaches. Extreme fatigue. Achy boobs. Overly sensitive nipples. I knew I was pregnant before it could ever show up on a pregnancy test. In my post, Medication Sensitivity, I explained that...