This or That?

Do you prefer Coke or Pepsi? Coffee or tea? Chocolate or vanilla? Pancakes or waffles? For me personally, I prefer Pepsi, coffee, vanilla, and waffles. I’m sure many of you will have answers different than mine, but let’s move on to my next question. Do you prefer to use medication or no medication to treat mental illness? Well, my answer for my personal situation is medication.

The point of asking all these questions is to show that the option to take medication to treat mental illness is a personal one and that’s there’s not one “right” answer. Medication can either be a blessing or a curse – I’ve experienced both. It can make it so you can actually function in your daily life or it can make you feel not yourself, foggy-minded, or just worse than you did before. Not taking medication and using other treatment options can work wonders for many people. Psychotherapy, support groups, peer support, and alternative medicine can be great tools when used in the right circumstances. Another big treatment option that has not only been recommended to me, but is also all over social media, is CBD and/or cannabis. Personally, this is not a good option for me, but I have seen it help many people so I would never discount it as a viable treatment option. But to reiterate, there is not one single “right” answer that works for everyone.

If one treatment option works for you that is wonderful and I’m happy for you, but that doesn’t mean it is okay to shame me or put me down for choosing a treatment option different from your own. I have had so many people preach to me about how awful medication is and how I need to find an alternative. Little do these people know, I have tried other options. My first few experiences with medication were not pleasant ones and that certainly put a bitter taste in my mouth. I absolutely refused to try any type of medication and sought other options. I was able to stay afloat for many years, but I was not happy by any means. It wasn’t until I was working through past trauma with EMDR that I finally broke down and asked if there was medication I could try. To get to this point though, I suffered much more than I should have. I was so out of control that I was fearful of myself and what I might do to harm myself. Being put on medication gave me my life back and continues to allow me to live a (mostly) content life.

I recently went without my medication for a while due to poor planning on my part and it was great eye-opener to joe help my medication is for me. That short amount of time I was without medication quickly turned miserable. I began to feel myself spiral out of control and no amount of self-coping tools could bring me back. Panic attacks, sleepless nights, and many sobbing sessions ensued. Words cannot describe how elated I was to finally have my medication back after that short experience. Maybe one day I’ll try to wean off my medication, but right now I need it to keep myself in a happy, safe place.

I know the flip side of this coin, though, as my first few experiences with medication were dreadful. I was 15 when a psychiatrist started me on Lexapro. I took the Lexapro for a few months and instead of feeling better, I only ended up feeling worse. I had horrible brain fog and I felt completely emotionless – like a walking zombie. I remember telling my mom one morning that I absolutely refuse to take any more Lexapro. She tried to change my mind, but I’m bullheaded and tired of feeling like sh*t. When I saw my psychiatrist, they lectured me on the dangers of outright stopping medication without consulting a doctor first. Then that psychiatrist put me on Prozac. Prozac caused me to feel the same way Lexapro made me feel and again stop it cold turkey. No amount of threats of death or injury could make me want to take one pill that made me so miserable. Then I started to get horrible nightmares and was prescribed trazodone. Trazodone was far worse than the Lexapro or Prozac could every make me feel. Trazodone didn’t stop my nightmares from happening, it only locked me into them without the ability to wake up from them. Halfway through a nightmare I would realize it was only a dream and still could not force myself awake no matter what I tried to do. It was horrifying and I swore off medication.

I can completely see why someone would want to try something other than medication whether it’s psychotherapy, CBD or just plain ol’ exercise. I totally understand wanting to educate people on your positive experience with an alternative therapy option. What I don’t understand (or agree with) is shaming people for doing what works for them. That goes for any type of therapy option. No one should be shamed for using CBD if that’s what keeps them from constant panic attacks, just like I shouldn’t be shamed for taking a pill everyday to feel emotions other than sadness. Would you shame me for liking Pepsi over Coke? How about liking waffles over pancakes? Probably not. It’s all about personal preference and what works for YOU – not what works for Nosey Nancy that lives next door.